Monday, March 12, 2012


I'M BACK! Sorry folks, the whole family got sick and then we went on a vacation. Then, I couldn't seem to get my groove back.

And, there is a very specific reason why I now have my groove back. An acquaintance from church simply said "I've read your blog several times." It was probably a pretty simple statement to her but it meant the world to me (granted, she just said she read it - she didn't follow it with "I like it" or "I don't like it" but I assume she did if she read it multiple times). She took an opportunity to say something to me about what I was doing in my daily life.

How many opportunities to encourage someone do we miss every day? I feel a twinge of shame when I think about it. Some days I don't feel like going to church and some of those times I decided to I met someone visiting or someone who needed me to be there - for prayer, encouragement, or just friendliness. Some days I pass people on the street asking for money. I think "I don't have cash but I can get them lunch." Some times I do but sometimes I choose not to. Why? Especially when I know the feeling after I HAVE done it. When we're at the park with friends and at another bench a woman is sitting alone, why do we not choose to make her apart of the group? Is it really that uncomfortable to ask her to join you? The worst that could happen is she'll say no. Surely we can handle that if it happens.

So, let's work to not have missed opportunities; intentional or not. We may truly be changing some one's entire day; thus their view, their treatment of others, and ultimately their idea of God.

Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it. Hebrew 13:2

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

You gotta give a little?

My boys brought home zip lock bags from church to collect "Coins for Shoes." Twin A dumped all of his money ($2.40) into the bag and told everyone about it. Twin B put one penny out of his $2.30 into the bag and went about his play. I thought it was ironic; the boy who did the right thing announced it and the boy who was more conservative didn't announce it. To Twin B's defense he still doesn't understand money very well, perhaps he thought he was giving a gold mine! In the car this morning we talked about the lady in the Bible who quietly gave all she had which was very little amongst others who gave a sliver of all they had and made a big deal out of it (Luke 21:1-4). I love helping and watching my children process these things.

But, I think we all are faced with this conundrum. Sometimes, it isn't with cash though. It's with our other resources such as our time or skills. Often we give only a little, just enough to get by. To pacify ourselves, others, or even we think, God. If we really thought of our resources as serving Jesus as we serve others than why aren't we all going crazy giving? And, do we give so little that we feel a need to make it known because we don't know when we'll be doing it again? Do we have such little faith that we've got to keep reserves in case our own situation doesn't work out? Remember, I'm not just talking about cash.

I don't struggle with the need to make my giving known. I struggle with follow through. The idea to give of myself sounds so good but when it comes to execution I often back out, and always there is a good excuse. Mostly, I'm a flake and forget. I also struggle with the selfishness of reserving some for myself because I'm scared I'll need it. What do you struggle with? How can we fix it? The only thing I know is practice makes perfect.

Saturday March 10th from 9am-Noon at South Yukon Church of Christ11700 NW 10th Street between Yukon Parkway and Cornwell. Clothing available for toddlers up all the way up to adults! For more information, you can call the office at 405-354-1863.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Still Here

I have been dealing with a lot of sickness in our family. Hopefully I'll be back to posting tomorrow. God Bless You!

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

The Evolution of a Heart

I haven't been able to do much writing in the last 3 weeks due to the diagnosis and watching my cousin's baby. I do have a hard copy and have edited that on and off. On Monday I'll be hitting it with full force.

I've decided this book is turning out to be a legacy. It's something I'm proud to have as a legacy. If I were to die this afternoon my husband and children would have the heart of me in their hands to refer to whenever they pleased. When my children are older and look back on their childhood and think on the unreasonable things that occurred when they were small maybe reading my book will help explain it. It may not negate it, but it could give some clarity. That's something we would all use when recalling our childhood, even if it was a good one. And maybe, the children can look at the mistakes riddled throughout the book and stay clear of making the same ones. Although my husband understands me a great deal it may still explain, not negate, some of my actions during our marriage.

If I had really grasped my mother's past long before now I think it would have given me clarity and in that clarity freedom. But, she didn't write a book or pass off her wisdom, or even speak much about herself so I was delayed a bit until she offered up a little more through the years. So, despite The Evolution of a Heart being raw and at times embarrassingly honest maybe it will be just what one or all of my children need to explain and conquer something someday.

On a different note: I am researching if self-publishing or seeking an agent. It is an exhausting thing to think about. I am thinking of seeking an agent for about 3 months and then if I don't get anywhere self-publish through amazon. There are pros and cons to it all and it is overwhelming. For the synopsis of the book click here.

God Bless You today!

Tuesday, February 21, 2012


I've thinking about adoption lately. My husband and I have recently relocated and have been adopted into the fold of his extended family. I'm watching one of his cousin's little ones they plan to adopt. I'm thinking of the Christian woman and in time, the entire church who adopted me and led me to Christ. I'm thinking how, as a church, we are brothers and sisters by adoption. I'm thinking of being an adopted daughter of God.

The amazing thing about adoption is nobody ever feels adopted. They feel as though they are and have always been a part of it all; at least they should feel like that. If not, maybe we should be investing more into relationships so that feeling is there. My husband has 3 adopted siblings yet I have never heard him refer to them as "my adopted brothers and sisters." They just are, and always have been; and one of the siblings came when she was 9!

My entire life I yearned for a functional, larger family filled with love. At times I feel I've arrived and other times I know there is still work to be done. So, let's adopt each other! I mean, really adopt each other. Invite someone over for dinner you don't know well. Help someone out you aren't very well acquainted with. Take someone to lunch. Take someone's children so they can go out; or better yet, get rid of the kids and do a couple's date. Invest, invest, invest!

"Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies" Romans 8:"23

"For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy adn blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will-to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves." Ephesians 1:4-6

Monday, February 20, 2012

MANIC MONDAYS (pun shamefully intended)

Due to icy roads I didn't make it to my second psychiatric appointment so my dosage has stayed the same, but I go tomorrow.

I notice a difference and I think once the dosage is increased a bit it will be even better. I am less on edge, not as quick to react, and less moody. Also, I'm not as overwhelmed about the mundane things. I am sure my children and husband are relieved yet waiting for the ball to drop. I'll be glad when there is no ball to drop but simply general, average things that would irritate anyone. What I am most relieved about is how much less I yell. I didn't spend my days yelling but it seemed to my first reaction to tension. I am able to talk and reason with the children more which feels peaceful.

Someone asked me about my first post talking about the disorder. They specifically wanted to know what I meant by stating "And the peace in God that is already inside can come out and be celebrated." They reasoned if peace in God is inside then the inability to display and celebrate may mean the peace doesn't really exist.

The peace in God I feel on the inside is stifled by the depression, anger, paranoia, and moodiness that has clouded my mind. Some of these things can be controlled by being optimistic and having faith; but a lot of it, because of the disorder, overrides any reasonableness I have in my relationship with God. So, I KNOW and FEEL peace in my heart and mind but the symptoms of the disorder untreated take precedence. So, the peace is somewhat of an underlying peace waiting to break out. I hope I've explained it well.

"the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you;" Numbers 6:25

Friday, February 17, 2012

Elastic Pants

I am fat. I know, it's politically incorrect to say that. But even if we use different words like "large, obese, or big boned" it means the same thing, there is too much fat in the body - FAT. Besides constantly second guessing my abilities as a good wife and mother, being fat is a very painful subject for me.

I never wanted to be fat. In fact I have the frame to be skinny but curvy. Up until a few years before I had children I was really thin. I can't say I didn't choose it because each time I decided not to be active, overeat, or eat the wrong thing I was kinda making that choice. I wasn't considering the youthful functions of my body would morph one day. If I had thought this I could have taken precautionary actions. Through the years excuses came, especially the birth of my twins. Granted, they did make it to 38 weeks and were 7 lbs, 7 oz. each, but I can't keep relying on that. What happens when they turn 18 and I'm still blaming their birth? I think Satan wants us to ride our excuses as far as we can take them. And, it's amazing how far we can. We delude ourselves that we are the excuses' prisoner and we can't possibly overpower them.

Now, I understand people aren't made up the same way so few of us are going to look like the woman the advertisements tell us we should look like, and I realize some people have health issues. I also realize we're not all meant to be marathon runners or even gym people. But, we should work to care for the body God gave us with whatever means and ability available to us. It's the only vessel we get to ride throughout our life and I'd like to keep it running as long as possible. Taking care of our bodies pays tribute to the creator's beautiful, complex work of art.

I think I've finally arrived at that point it becomes about health, not vanity; tribute to God, not myself. And, it seems possible now because not only do I recognize the hold but I am taking my power from Satan back and relinquishing it to God. This applies to any vice. I've joined weight watchers and going to become a walking fool. Who's with me?

"Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body."1 Corinthians 6:19-20

"You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world." 1 John 4:4