I haven't been able to do much writing in the last 3 weeks due to the diagnosis and watching my cousin's baby. I do have a hard copy and have edited that on and off. On Monday I'll be hitting it with full force.
I've decided this book is turning out to be a legacy. It's something I'm proud to have as a legacy. If I were to die this afternoon my husband and children would have the heart of me in their hands to refer to whenever they pleased. When my children are older and look back on their childhood and think on the unreasonable things that occurred when they were small maybe reading my book will help explain it. It may not negate it, but it could give some clarity. That's something we would all use when recalling our childhood, even if it was a good one. And maybe, the children can look at the mistakes riddled throughout the book and stay clear of making the same ones. Although my husband understands me a great deal it may still explain, not negate, some of my actions during our marriage.
If I had really grasped my mother's past long before now I think it would have given me clarity and in that clarity freedom. But, she didn't write a book or pass off her wisdom, or even speak much about herself so I was delayed a bit until she offered up a little more through the years. So, despite The Evolution of a Heart being raw and at times embarrassingly honest maybe it will be just what one or all of my children need to explain and conquer something someday.
On a different note: I am researching if self-publishing or seeking an agent. It is an exhausting thing to think about. I am thinking of seeking an agent for about 3 months and then if I don't get anywhere self-publish through amazon. There are pros and cons to it all and it is overwhelming. For the synopsis of the book click here.
God Bless You today!
Showing posts with label evolution of a heart. Show all posts
Showing posts with label evolution of a heart. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
The Evolution of a Heart
Last Wednesday was the first of my posts about the book I'm currently working on. It's called The Evolution of a Heart. I figure I'll update everyone on my progress each Wednesday. For the synopsis of it click here.
This is my first book. I have always enjoyed writing. When I was younger it was the only tangible thing I had; the ability to write exactly what I was feeling. That was my freedom. I've written poetry and even read it at coffee houses when I first married. After children I let it go and after the pain of my past subsided the words wouldn't come anymore. Now I hone my skill without the weight of pain and what little I have is shedding with the writing of this novel.
As of this writing I am at 46,000 words. I hope to make it to 100,000 and have even settled for 75,000. I have justified this smaller amount because I want to attach discussion questions or a bible study to the back of it. Really though, I guess a story is finished simply when the story is all told.
This journey was prompted by letters believe it or not. My husband and I received very toxic, misinformed letters from someone attacking my actions as a wife and mother. I decided if someone in this world had that intense of negative feelings towards me it deserved being looked into. So I started to analyze my life, then and now, and the concept of this novel was born. It has been painful and cathartic. I've hated myself, been embarrassed of myself, and have felt pity and love for myself. It has gave me clarity. It has made me realize the person who attacked me doesn't know me at all and even if there were bits of truth in the letters there wasn't much. But, if I had not received those letters I don't think this story or this blog would have been written.
God loves me. And He loves you too. He decided to love you and I before we befuddled anything. He loves us through the mess and when we come out of it. He loves us when we do it again. He doesn't attack, but loves. He doesn't judge because He sees you and I differently than we see ourselves and each other. He sees us as he created us. He sees us perfect.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
This is my first book. I have always enjoyed writing. When I was younger it was the only tangible thing I had; the ability to write exactly what I was feeling. That was my freedom. I've written poetry and even read it at coffee houses when I first married. After children I let it go and after the pain of my past subsided the words wouldn't come anymore. Now I hone my skill without the weight of pain and what little I have is shedding with the writing of this novel.
As of this writing I am at 46,000 words. I hope to make it to 100,000 and have even settled for 75,000. I have justified this smaller amount because I want to attach discussion questions or a bible study to the back of it. Really though, I guess a story is finished simply when the story is all told.
This journey was prompted by letters believe it or not. My husband and I received very toxic, misinformed letters from someone attacking my actions as a wife and mother. I decided if someone in this world had that intense of negative feelings towards me it deserved being looked into. So I started to analyze my life, then and now, and the concept of this novel was born. It has been painful and cathartic. I've hated myself, been embarrassed of myself, and have felt pity and love for myself. It has gave me clarity. It has made me realize the person who attacked me doesn't know me at all and even if there were bits of truth in the letters there wasn't much. But, if I had not received those letters I don't think this story or this blog would have been written.
God loves me. And He loves you too. He decided to love you and I before we befuddled anything. He loves us through the mess and when we come out of it. He loves us when we do it again. He doesn't attack, but loves. He doesn't judge because He sees you and I differently than we see ourselves and each other. He sees us as he created us. He sees us perfect.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
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